I haven't spoken to my dad in nearly ten years and I think I'm better for it. I was born out of an affair and it hasn't ruined my dad's marriage but it sure did put a strain on it. Obviously his wife hated me and would basically go off on me over every tiny little thing I did. It got to the point where I was traumatized as a seven year old for chewing chunks out of a pool raft. She blew up, he took me home and dropped me off and I felt this immense sense of shame that I was a bad kid for years and years and years. I didn't even know the context, I just thought I was bad. I was so ashamed I didn't even want to talk to them anymore, I was just so overwhelmed with guilt. It took me years to realize the context and kinda grow out of that.

As I got older my father would try to contact me, I think out of a sense of personal guilt. He refused to pay my mother any sort of child support or anything like that. I would go years without talking to him. But when he did try to contact me, it would be online. And things would be okay but he would sometimes say mean things like "you're so full of yourself" and little comments like that, and they'd make me feel like an ashamed kid again. His wife messaged me on Myspace once, I tried having a polite conversation with her and she blew up on me, ranting about what a terrible mother my mom is and how socially retarded I am.

It really took me aback. I got depressed and my grades fell into the toilet again like they always do when I have to deal with them. She then sent a very threatening letter to my mother anonymously and we contemplated calling the police about it but then decided not to.

I haven't spoken to either of them since.

My dad friend requested me on Facebook a few days ago. I've just let it sit there, not really sure what to do. Part of me wants to say "Hey, guess what, I turned out okay despite you." But that's cruel. Part of me wants to say "Hey, sorry you had to eat a shit sandwich with me being born and all, but you can stop trying to be my dad now. All you ever do is screw me up trying."

But instead I'm just going to leave it there. My life has been great since I haven't spoken to him and whether or not those things are related, I'm not willing to test anymore. He's more or less defunct as my father.