Your problem is that you have tolerated the lack of sex so long that it has become the new normal. Now you are trying to go back and it is hard if not impossible. From your wife’s view, you have been fine for nine years so why are you making a big deal out of it now?

You just had the talk and had some sex. My advice is to hold the line and demand that it continue or you are done. You have to be prepared to walk away if it is not working. Or tell her that you intend to open the marriage so that you can outsource that part of your life.

You are not being unreasonable. Sex is a fundamental part of marriage. That is why a marriage is only considered consummated after sex. All she has to do is to meet you somewhere in the middle.