I am a stay at home mother, by choice but not really.
I had never considered before but it turned out this way. Some people might think "oh, staying at home, that's easy, you do whatever you want and sit around with the kids eating bonbons"
Hahaha. It's not even funny.
I was a waking woman before becoming a mother. I worked full time and extra hours. Some days I only had four hours of sleep all day. I was tired. But after becoming another, I had never been THIS tired in my entire life. It even when I spend 5 days in a row trying to finish my dissertation paper and I tried printing the rest of I two hours before my deadline and the printer did not want to print just cause and I was ready to pull my hair out.
No no no. Living in the place you work is stressful. Fun at times, yes. You get to see the first time they walk, the first time they say their first word, but stressful at the end of the day. I can remember the last time I had time for myself, just me, without thinking about anything but me.
Every day is the same. I get up, I have to figure out what to feed these kids that to make things worse only wanna eat peanut butter and raisins every day. Nothing else. "Hustle and stress of rushing out the door" every day. Trying to make doctors appointments, grocery shopping, preschool on Mondays on time, I'm a personal chauffeur and drive around to get these kids to places and right when you finally get ready to close the door, one decides to poop so turn off your car, get the other two children out and bring back in the three of them so you can change one.
It's been 2+ years since I had a meal without being interrupted. Sometimes I don't even have breakfast, having breakfast would mean for me to not be on time for school so I wait till noon so I can actually sit and eat while the kids nap... If they nap.
Taking a dump by myself? Not even that. My toddlers think it's funny to watch me poop, trying to see it fall, pressing the button of the bidet when I'm not filings yet so I don't even get that.
Showering? Nah. I can't leave my kids unattended, toddler are actively trying to kill themselves or kill you with a heart attack.
There's always ALWAYS something to clean, pick up, wash, put away. I feels like I do Landry or fold laundry, full baskets, every other day. I pick up the same little car on the hall at least 10 times a day be sue if I don't I step on it and it really hurts.
I cook a meal from scratch every othe night, so from 5 to 6 every other night I listen to Jason Mraz to sing about the outdoors because that's the only episode my kids like and will actually sit to watch it.
Of course I love my kids, I appreciate having the opportunity to watch them grow. I love reading books to them, singing songs, picking their outfits, pushing them in the swings, picking flowers with them, taking walks, it's all beautiful. But not everything is rainbows and horsies jumping over clouds.
This is, without doubt, the most challenging job I've ever done.
I'm on call 24/7, I get no holidays or free time. The last time I went out by myself was on December 6 last year, I went out for the day with my sister who was visiting me at the time.
I think either way it's difficult. Being a mother is difficult. Since I've been on both sides I think I could go either way.