2 years ago I wanted to kill myself. I remember the fear I felt. The sadness. The physical pain. The never ending taunting sound in my head. The anxiety. The depression. The self hate. The GUILT. One night as I sat on the floor trying to put the pieces of my wrecked home/work/college/single mother/sister/fiancé/long distance relationship/adult/ failing horrible life together, is when it came to me. - I could kill myself. I felt a calm come cover me. As if that was the answer. I had tried for so long to find answers and I was so mad that that answer was so easy. Going to college had broke me. I went from thinking I knew who I am to no idea how I got to were I was at. I hated everything everyone and that didn't include myself. I was so far gone that I had no feelings towards myself anymore. So many nights I wish I had someone to talk to. To talk me down.

But now when I reflect about that time it makes me a stronger person. I lifted myself. I helped myself through a hard time. Alone. I am amazing. I am fighter. Even if I just fought for myself. I am happy with me now. I no longer let my self worth be depending on how other people seen me. Treat me. Include me. I wanted to kill myself over technology, over college, over a paycheck, over visitation schedules, over lack of empathy, over self worth, over loneliness, over confusion, over not understanding, and over so many other reasons - and not one of these things will matter in 100 years.

I am a living breathing piece of mold on this giant rock and I don't understand living. And anymore I don't want to. I just don't want to let myself not get caught up. Cause one day I will die. And that will be it. No second chances. No do over. And I don't have to be the one to take that from myself. This is water. And I hope you find your water.