Thanks for the reply, it is true that I have trouble seeing the other side, which is why I asked the question. To complete things a bit, she is still getting medical care and in the home country we moved from she has better care (but still not at the level she wants).

Somehow I may have come across as not helping at all, I am trying to be as fair as possible and not make it sound like I'm the one who is wronged here. I have done quite a lot in this time, I paid for any medical treatment or examination she needed, I found doctors for her to go to when she wanted to, I went with her to several appointments (maybe not 85% but at least half) when they were in the Netherlands (that's where we moved to), took days off work to be with her in Germany (where she wants to go), looked up articles and searched for diagnostics. Made databases with her blood works, read books on the issues, tried to understand the basic mechanisms of what's happening to her. I wasn't always enthusiastic, and maybe I did fail in many ways, but I did help.

I let her take a three month sabbatical back home with her parents before our wedding and prepared everything for it. I cook, do the laundry, clean the house, handle the finances and her appointments, handle her medical insurance, she sometimes helps, but mainly with cleaning up.

I have comitted to getting us out of this country but did not put in the full effort. I admit that, it is true. I didn't do it for selfish reasons but because I was not capable of doing it because of my own shortcomings. But it's something I am committed to, I have interviews, applications, I spend at least half of my evenings at home on job boards, the rest I spend looking after the house.

This is where I don't see the whole reasoning. Her main concern is that I don't believe her. Several doctors told us her problems might be psychosomatic and I tried to convince her to consider that possibility and see a psychiatrist. She said this is real and so I dropped it and haven't believed (not just mentioned, believed) that for over a year.

I don't know, I can clearly see your point and imagining her thinking this makes me feel shitty about myself and I am sorry. Perhaps this is where I did go wrong completely. So thanks for the help.