What a great question! I appreciate that you assumed I have been contemplating all of this, because I have.
Before I went on the date I found the sub r/femaledatingstrategy which I find equally toxic and helpful, if that makes any sense. It is way over the top in many areas to me, but reminded me that I appreciate feeling respected and valued by someone with great manners. The chair thing was literally something I read there and tried out. That is why I mentioned it in my post.
Going forward I think that making something like chair etiquette that isn’t a generally accepted or desired practice into some sort of a “test” is ridiculous. Won’t do that again.
But that doesn’t mean I will lower my standards or stop paying attention to details like how someone treats me in public or behaves toward service staff on our date or communicates by text or phone. Whatever my judgments and opinions are personally reflect who I am and what I prefer. I am looking for compatibility, not to adapt or ask someone else to change our ideals or personalities.
Yesterday someone in my city messaged me after reading my comment on another post. They seem interesting and nice and we are going to meet up this weekend in a friendly way. Honestly making a cool friend in my big city sounds like more fun than seeking romance through OLD. Like many of us here I am feeling lonely and disconnected after the pandemic and really crave friendship and companionship. Those are the things I value the most.
How about you? What are you looking for and what kind of qualities do you value in another person?