I will probably take this comment down shortly, because this is not something I am public about usually, but I wanted to comment specifically on the difficulty of undoing the part of your brain that loves and trusts someone who assaults you.

I was 9 the first time I was sexually assaulted. It was a relative. Someone I adored.

The first thought I had, after the obvious, was that I must have done it. That relative? They were lovely. Kind, gentle, generous, they took care of some elderly people in the family. Fun, funny, wonderful. They would never hurt me. It must have been an accident. Or I must have done or said something that made them think that was something I wanted.

The second thought I had was that I could never tell anyone else. Because it would hurt them all so much. The rest of the family, I mean. They loved and trusted him. They'd feel betrayed. Worse, they'd feel guilty and complicit and wonder and worry that they should have known, should have protected me. They'd have to choose whether or not to throw him out of the family.

He might go to prison. He might never get to see any of the family again. Who would take care of those elderly relatives? It would splinter the family.

Now, I was a child. So obviously a lot of the way my mind was working them was... flawed reasoning, to say the least. But my reaction was normal. When the world turns itself on its head in front of you, the simplest answer is that the problem is your head.

Rape victims have cuddled their rapists afterwards. Have stayed the night, even made them breakfast the next day. Have continued to date their rapist, or remained friends with their rapist, sometimes for years afterwards. Not because it wasn't rape, or because it wasn't that bad. But because the cognitive dissonance of having something like that done to you by someone you trust? Is overwhelming.

Asking rape victims to just magically be able to fight back violently every time it happens as though that is a magical band-aid solution? You're asking them to be superhuman.