He was the first and last guy that ever showed an interest in me. I'm very introverted with horrible self-esteem and he was the only person that ever told me I was beautiful. He talked to me like I mattered. Most people talk to me like they're just waiting for a better option to become available- I don't blame them. I'm very small and look young for my age, so people automatically assume that I'm incapable of understanding them, so they dumb things down and talk to me like I'm a child. He never did that- he treated me like an equal.

He gave me nicknames and talked to me about my problems and never made me feel small or insignificant. He told me I was special. He said he wanted us to run away and get married. He was very flirty and semi-inappropriate at times, but I'd started to love him so I didn't care. He was like the brother that I never had.

Then he betrayed my trust in the worst way possible. I'm sorry, I can't even type what he did. It's very painful for me to talk about, and I never told anyone. He was 35, I was 13. I thought he was amazing- I ignored his many, many flaws and was stupid enough to think that he cared about me. I know it wasn't my fault but I hate myself for not being smart enough to understand his motives. It's been two years and I still have nightmares and panic attacks. I have a history of mental illness that predated our 'relationship', and afterwards everything got a hundred times worse.

Now I can look back and see how batshit fucking crazy he was- it's so clear now. When I resisted his 'running away together' plan he threatened to kidnap me. I thought he was joking, but now I'm not sure. He made lewd jokes and invaded my personal space regularily. Whenever I told him I couldn't talk or hangout, he'd get violent and angry. Occasionally he'd threaten to kill himself if I didn't do things. He joked about kidnapping and rape and murder. He forced me to style my hair a specific way, and to wear certain clothes and paint my nails an exact color. I did it all because I didn't want him to abandon me.