I wasn’t necessarily physically abusive, but when I left him (abusive) I got help with a domestic violence center and was honest with myself and didn’t like what I saw and realized there were no excuses for physical abuse. None. Then tons and tons of therapy, self reflection and changing my thought patterns. It’s hard, hard work. I still think that with abusive men it’s about control and entitlement and very few change if they are truly abusive and toxic. Not impossible because I was able to change both my thoughts and actions. Because emotional abuse was such a pervasive trauma in my childhood and into my adult years, I learned all I could about it, recognized myself (again) and just didn’t want to be that toxic person. I learned to practice the PAUSE. Very helpful in changing your behavior. I found if I just paused, it gave me the ability to use what I learned in therapy to communicate.