Sometimes you try lookin in the mirror and see what's on the other side but you don't like it. You don't like what you see. Maybe it's somethin you've done or maybe somethin you haven't done yet. But you can't stand it, no you just can't. So what do you do? You try to make up for it and do the right things, right? Let me tell you what happens when I tried to do the right things.

When I was ten, we used to hang out on the docks playin with crates and whatever made sense at the time. Some of it dangerous but it was just what kids do and what do kids know, right? Well my buddy Tommy Sullivan decides that he should go for a swim. I say "Yo Tommy what're you doin you can't swim!" Well Tommy sez "Sure I can watch me. Stop being my mother, already."

Even Ray spoke up and said, "Joe, you should really stop little T from jumpin into that harbor. It's a really bad idea, really."

Ray always repeated the last word in a sentence when he was nervous. We used to call him repeat Ray. Any way to keep him calm and stop my other friends from freakin out I sez "I'll take care of this." But honestly time does something to memories. I think what I really said was something like, "Yeah, right uhh, that's what I was gonna do." That ain't what I was gonna do. Just so you know.

Any way so, I take a deep breath and I sez "Little T I'm gonna knock your teeth down your throat if you go in that water." Truth be told little T wasn't little and I figured, if I pissed him off enough he would pound on my face a bit but he wouldn't be in the harbor. You know, it was a friend savin a friend type of thing. Well he laughs at me lookin at my size and knowin that he kicked my ass before. I have to tell you there wasn't one drop of fear in that kids eyes and so he does it jumps right in. It was close enough to the dock so he could latch on, if he wanted to I guess. I dont' really know.

Right away me and the guys are sayin, "Fuck! Tommy man, what the hell are you thinkin".

And Tommy's floating on his back smilin, laughing and then He sez, "Hey, you guys should come on in. This heats been killin me all day."

Well there's some ship sounding off it's horn and so I dive off the dock and into the water. By then Tommy's freaking out and flapin all over the place like a big fish. I grabbed him but he started pullin me down and I could hear the guys on the dock screaming loud as any ten year olds could scream. I look up and I'm seein that crystal like shine on the top of the water, while Tommy's body weight is pushing me under. So I begin to panic and do the wrong thing. I hit Tommy with all my might that those ten year old fists had. I come back up for a deep breath of air and I look around to see Tommy and he flapped one last time before goin under. I try to go for him but George the dock master jumps in and grabs me.

I sez "No! Wait Tommy! Tommy's in there you can't!"

The ship's so loud now and George is pullin on me that the idea of Tommy is wiped from my mind for like thrity seconds. By then we're back on the dock and there's no Tommy. The loud ship just barely finished docking and the look on all my friends faces sez it all.

The shame and horror I felt let me feeling broken. I couldn't eat for a week and my mom had to take me to the hospital. They tapped me with Ivy's and forced me to eat whatever I could.

One night I was asleep in my room all nice and cozy like and then this doctor walks in and shakes my shoulder a bit. He wakes me and sez "Hello Joseph, I'm Doctor Klienheart, nice to meet you." I sez "Ok, nice to meet you I think."

The good doc laughs at me and sez "Joseph I know what happened. I can make it so it does no't happen again...Would you like that?" Even at ten I'm lookin at this guy like are your screw's loose buddy? So, I sez," Ok, sure why not." I mean, I humor the guy just because I'm in a hospital bed, with nothing better to do.

"Wunderbar", he sez. "This must be our little secret Jospeh and no one must ever know. Can you do that as well?" I sez "Sure, I guess".

You should've seen my face at this point I was confused and a little nervous but he's a doctor so.

"Great, there will be a small surgical procedure which will give you strength like you've never had before", Klienheart sez.

I sez, "You're full of shit doc."

He laughs at me again and sez "You American boy's are so full of fun vernacular. There is a downside to this procedure as well Joseph. I must warn you."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Well most of; however, not all of our patients become crippled"

"What? What do you mean crippled?"

"Well they're placed in a wheel chair and loose ability to control their bowels and..."

"Bowels?"

"Yes, they uncontrollably poop and pee themselves", doc giggles, "as you would put it."

"What no fuckin way!"

"Well it is not all of the time."

"No."

"It's only when you have to number 1 or 2"

"Listen Albert Einstein, I ain't gonna be shitting myself for the rest of my life. "

"Do you realize what you're giving up? At most it would be ten years and then it would your power would surge."

"No."

"It's the power to save people like Tommy or even Ray. Are they not worth saving?"

My ten year old self didn't have an answer for him. I had nothing but anger, confusion and more than any of those shame.

Doc Klienheart left the room but not before sayin "Think about it and I shall return in two day's time. You appear to be doing much better and are prime for surgery."

So for two day's I though about and just like before doctor Klienheart came in and sez"Are you ready?"

I sez, "Yes, lets do it?"

"Wunderbar"he sez just like before.

"Wait, will it hurt?"

"Of course not. That would be cruel. You will not have so much as even a scar young man."

Doc Klienheart pulls out a needle filled with some kind of greenish blue liquid. I ain't never been scared of needles before but this things was crazy looking and huge. He poked me in my arm and I started to feel sleepy. When I woke up it was morning and the surgery was over.

My mother sat at the foot of my bed and sez to me "Hows my little Joey feeling?"

I sez, "Good ma in fact better than good".

I remember her face lighting up like Christmas. It made me feel even better. When she went to talk to the doctors about releasing me good ol doc Klienheart shows up again.

He sez

***This is my first post her on Reddit. I've always hung out on all the feeds etc...just reading away. Let me know if this is interesting enough to finish. I'm a little tired right now because I've done this in about the span of two hours. I haven't eaten yet so. If it's worth finishing let me know.