3. [WP] Your computer-illiterate grandmother has somehow deleted the internet. Yes,...

[WP] Your computer-illiterate grandmother has somehow deleted the internet. Yes, all of it.

"Oh for fuck sake," I mutter, turning round to look at my frail and rather confused Grandmother.

"How the fu.." I can't even finish my sentence for sheer bewilderment. Her Ipad sits and smiles back at me, in the commotion of the 74-year-old somehow deleting the internet my toddler of a daughter has wrestled underneath my body and switched on Candy Crush.

Swipe up, swipe down. "Fuck that."

"What?"

"Nothing, Gran; just give us a minute." Right, let's check the history. The Safari browser is just blank as I flick it back on, any hope of passing level 132 will have to wait. There's not even a grey floating elipsis to decorate any corner of the screen, chalk white just glistening into my eyes.

The Hub! I'll check if that's connected. I trundle through to the living room, hunting for the source of Internet. Ah, there it is, tucked away behind a pile of clean clothes. Nothing, no blue light indicating it's working, no flashing orange light indicating it's fucked.

My Candy Crush obsessed child has decided to follow me, Ipad in hand and flick on the television. BBC World News is on, which is unfamiliar territory little Aleasha.

"Dadddddd" I hear. Not fucking today. Three hours and I've not had an email back from work; never a good sign.

But then, then it becomes apparent. "Worldwide Web Disappears."

The shiny haired anchorman is almost eyeballing me personally as he speaks to the camera. "Government sources have indicated that the breakdown has originated from.."

Oh you have got to be fucking kidding. My hometown. Taking Aleasha to visit her Great-Grandmother and the fucking internet has disappeared. Marvellous.

"John, it said don't press," emits a worried voice from the kitchen.

Oh great, just fucking great. My Grandmother has fucked the internet.

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