A girl (we'll call her Diana) I really liked used me for hooking up on a regular basis after she dumped her boyfriend, and then completely forgot about me so she could date my best friend/cousin, and I was too blind, lonely, and desperate (still am) to realize what was happening until it was too late.
I suffer from extreme procrastination, to the point where I can't bring myself to do even the smallest amount of work, no matter what the consequence of not doing it is.
If self-confidence could be quantified by a number, like IQ, mine would be in the negatives.
I had the chance to sleep with Diana multiple times, but I didn't because I'm such a god damn pussy. In retrospect I feel like if I had've lost my virginity it would given me a least a tiny confidence boost.
My lack of of confidence prevented me from asking out a second girl (we'll call her Ashley). I don't want to go into details about her, but I'll say that everything she did made me like her more. Even though Ashley and I's mutual friend told me that Ashley's impression of me was that I was fairly funny and cute (forgot to mention that an average tire is more attractive than me), I gave up any attempt at making a move on her and just gave up, thus completely missing my window. She now has close zero interest in me and considers me a "friend".
The situation with Ashley I just described is been on repeat my entire life. I've never experienced required affection (and probably never will.)
My parents are incredibly strict and demanding. I can't move out due to having no money, which is due to the fact that I can't bring myself to apply for a job anywhere.
I really just want to die, but I can never kill myself because I know it would tear my family apart.
I think about all of things every day and I can't help but to constantly remind myself of them. At this point I'm just trying to stay away from people in general (apart from a few).
TL:DR: I'd appreciate it if you'd take 10 min to read this because I've never actually told anyone this before.