Okay, so don't do it then.

You have all of these excuses for why you don't want to put forth even the slightest bit of effort to better yourself, so you clearly don't want to actually do it. You say you want to look better, but you're not willing to lift a finger to make it happen. You don't understand the basic principles of fitness or nutrition whatsoever. People are telling you to start a very basic, very easy program of some kind in order to meet your goal, and then be slightly active and eat reasonably from this point forward. Your only responses have been variations of "but i don't wanna do anything at all. Isn't there a way for stuff to happen without me having to do anything at all? So you're telling me i have to keep being active and eating reasonably in order to stay fit?"

YES. Change takes effort. To maintain that change takes effort. How much effort is subjective. I think eating better and being a little active is laughably easy. It's like doing kindergarten homework as an adult. It's also incredibly fun. If i didn't ski, hike, mountain bike, or go to the gym, I'd feel terribly incomplete as a human being. To you? Well, maybe going for a walk or jog or bike ride is difficult. Maybe it's a miserable time. That's okay, people have different hobbies. However, to want a change but to not be willing to put any effort into it out change anything about your life and cut out bad habits that got you to where you are physically just makes you sound lazy as shit.

You say you would make an effort it there was a way to maintain that change without doing any of the activities that got you to that point. It's not possible, so don't bother. Hit the back button and move on with your reddit experience. If you think that a little effort to eat better and be more active is worth it to look the way you want to look, and if you can come to terms with the fact that you can't eat like a slob, and that it's a good idea to walk, run, bike, lift, out so other light athletic activities regularly to maintain your healthier lifestyle, then hang around for a bit.