Humor and friendly cheer can be attractive qualities, but they often come from a place of avoidance, whereas the road to a relationship usually starts from a place of sincerity and courage. When you find yourself becoming attracted to women, before you're months in and they're telling you about their crushes, you have to drop those defense mechanisms and take a step that leaves you a little bit vulnerable.

You can ask them out to some kind of activity to get to know them better. In a quiet moment if you sense that it's going well, you can say something like "It's a little embarrassing that I'm still a bit awkward about this stuff at 34, but I really like spending time with you." Address the elephant in the room (which in reality is a tiny elephant, but seems big in your head) so that you're not sitting there agonizing over it.

They may not reciprocate, but if they're good people, they'll respect your feelings. If you address it early on enough in your friendship, you'll likely still have a friend, and they might be your wingwoman and introduce you to some cool single ladies too.

In your thirties especially (but at all ages really), you do not need to be Rico Suave. You don't need to pretend that you have a mountain of dating experience. You're hard-working, financially stable, smart, and seem like a decent guy. Let that be enough.

You can frame your inexperience in a way that's both honest and not unappealing -- you've devoted your life to your academic career and you used to be pretty shy, so you haven't really made dating a priority until now. This will turn off some women, but you're not looking to attract just any woman. You want to find someone who's okay with who you are.

Starting up a lifting program helped out a lot with my confidence and mood, so I'd personally suggest giving it a try! Being healthier is never a bad thing anyway.

Best of luck brotha! As a jovial fat academic in his thirties who's been going through a similar journey recently, here's to us both finding a good relationship!