I always feel left behind.

30 now, about to finish my undergrad in geology. Some of my friends started companies and are millionaires now. Others are lawyers. One of the kids in the neighborhood i grew up with, who is younger than me by a few years is a doctor now. And I'm 30, and I have little to no work experience and I live in my parents old house.

My mom use to do everything for me, she said she did those things because "They would never get done unless she did them." My father hated this, and felt like it was raising me to be lazy, raising me to not be able to take care of myself. My father and mother did not get a long at all, it was bad, i even remember him calling her a bitch or a cunt while she lied in her hospice bed because she wouldn't take her pain pills. My mom wasn't innocent either, she use to do shit he didn't want, like remodel the bathroom while he was away at work, or get a cat even though he was allergic, or in his eyes, spoil me and make him look like the bad parent.

Anyway, the real issue that came from that, is that my father believes I'm my mothers son, not his, for i was not raised by his standards. This means all of my ADHD symptoms are interpreted to be the manifestation of my mothers plight against him, or simply the failure of her pathos, and the confirmation that he was right. One thing my dad does not think about my ADHD symptoms: That they're actually symptoms of ADHD.

I can barely keep up with 7 hrs at the university. Of course anything less than an A is complete and utter failure. I feel like the only way i'm going to get a good entry level job with no experience is if i have an excellent GPA. Others tell me that this is not the right approach, and that i should just pass the classes, that way i could take more at a time. At this point i don't even know what to do.

My dad wants me to get a job now, any job. I've spent so much time and money on my BS in geology that i'm not willing to settle for anything less than a good entry level job for geologists. My dad has a PHD in chemistry, and was a 35 year high level / high salary employee at a huge oil and gas company, and he wants me to just settle for being a janitor or a starbucks barista.

I feel hopeless. I feel like my life is going to be very short. I feel like i'm always going to dissapoint myself and those around me. And lately i've found that i just never want to leave the house. I either want to surf the web, or work on something. My girlfriend likes to go out and do stuff, i don't, and i like to make the excuse that I don't want to spend the money. I kinda really don't want to spend the money, my savings now is based on the life insurance policy my mom left behind for me, and part of me feels like it's the only money i'll ever have. So i am frugal as fuck. I eat spam way too often, I hate eating out, I eat eggs more often than anyone should. I stopped getting haircuts to save money, people ask me why i decided to grow out my hair, and i tell them the truth, that gets a laugh every time. I haven't changed my pants in over 2 months. I have not worn a pair of matching socks in a very very long time. Ususally the reminder that I need to shower is when I smell bad, or the crustyness gets so intense that I feel uncomfortable. I usually make the excuse that I'm too busy to shower, or i'm saving money by not using conditioner and shampoo every day.

I'm not even sure why i'm responding to this post anymore. I have work to do! Gotta go rake the leaves from the hedges i trimmed!

/r/ADHD Thread