kinda, maybe, yeah. here's my problem: even if i were prepared to spend hours describing all of my thoughts pertaining to this matter in a reddit comment, i still wouldn't be able to do a very good job of articulating all the things i "know" internally. i believe therapy is great and wondrous, and i'm not saying i wouldn't get something out of it, but since i'm completely unable to afford anything of the sort and it would be of limited benefit to me, i'd honestly rather not take up someone's time or dedicate time to seeking out such an individual. i essentially would get the same thing out of talking about it to any reasonable human being. the reasons for this are because i ultimately understand why human beings do the things they do, it's just that it's incredibly frustrating for me because i've had several seriously traumatizing experiences in life, so my brain is basically wired up to be extremely sensitive to others' hostile, controlling behaviors, and it is a debilitating thing for me; it pretty much makes me unable to function.
what i really need at this point is to simply find a place where i can do some sort of work in an environment where there are kind, rational people who "respect" one another, for lack of a better term. just recognize one another's humanity and are committed to working towards some sort of a shared goal, and sharing the benefits of that work, or at least in some reasonable arrangement that isn't the typical businessowner/wageslave ordeal. again, it's much more complex than i could articulate in this time and space, i'm really just despairing because i've tried so hard so many times, and each time some violent, savage human comes along and does something terrible like call the police and lie to them to get me out of their way. for instance, the used car dealer who repeatedly threatened me, then eventually claimed i said i would kidnap his children for 1000 dollars. he actually sent/had someone send a message to his own son so he could blame it on me; no one really cared that it didn't actually happen: the claim against me was enough. it completely screwed everything up for me for years, and i'm not sure i'll ever get over it. i've got a couple of other things that are just as bad as that, if not worse, and they're permanent parts of my consciousness and how i interpret others' actions.
really, i just need to figure out how to get people to stop hurting me, and as far as i've been able to determine the solution to this is to attempt to establish some means by which humanity as a whole can live its life in ways that prevent the emergence of violent, selfish temperaments within society. this of course will require a complete worldwide overhaul of healthcare, housing, education, environmental management, food production, waste management, and so many other things.
but at least if i work towards something like that, even if it's ultimately just spending my whole life getting pushed around while i think about it in the background, at least i'm trying to stop it from happening to other people, and i don't willfully or actively contribute to doing things to other people that harm them.
i'm kinda in the process of "reaching out" to a few people, so while maybe they're not therapists, it's hopefully going to get me moving in another direction, at least.
thanks for your comment and such, take care and hope all goes well for you.