I understand that your heart is in the right place, but this advice is like telling a depressed person they need to exercise more and just think positive.

For comparison; Just like being motivated helps a depressed person, being confident helps an ugly person. ..but when you're depressed how the hell do you just find motivation? When you're ugly how the hell do you find confidence? It beats you down every time you go out into the world.

Even every time you catch your reflection, you can't escape the constant reminders even when you're alone.

Advice to the OP -

As much as you don't want to hear it, and don't agree with it, Youdontevenknow1 is right.

You go through life thinking you're fugly, you're going to be fugly no matter what.

If you go through life knowing you're attractive, you're going to defy all the rules you thought you once knew.

For my late teen years I was able to forget I was thought of as ugly and lived my life with absolute confidence in everything I did and said - I honestly felt attractive, and I actually started to become it in the eyes of all who knew me.

Once you're in grade 12 kids stop making fun of you, and I lived in a really small town so I wasn't already exposed to the cruelty of the world, I wasn't yet stopping people in their tracks staring at me with pity on their faces, saying 'holy shit, look at that nose' 'that poor girl' 'glad I'm not her' or worse off, hearing guys make jokes about 'coyote ugly' or call me a 'butterface' .. (it's like they don't know I can hear them talk about me when I pass)

No-one ever talked about how I looked except for the ones who made fun of me and told me I was ugly, my family and teachers etc all pretended to ignore the elephant in the room, not once acknowledging just how different I was.

I suppose that's why I was able to find my confidence, now that I think about it.

If I didn't end up somehow dissociated with the reality of being shunned by society, I honestly don't think I would be here telling you this - so I get how impossible this notion seems to you where you are right now.

The tough part is that when you first meet people they still disregard you as a potential mate - (for the pretty folk: this even applies to the friend zone for the majority of people)(cant get mad about it, it's literally human nature to want to surround oneself with good looking things) - but it's almost magical because every single person changes their opinion of you once they get to know you.

Long story short - I can sleep with anyone I please - swear to jeebus - there isn't a soul I had my sights on that I didn't get. We're talking ridiculously attractive people. Ridiculously wealthy people. Ridiculously intelligent people. It doesn't matter.

It's a honestly a force to be reckoned with. Confidence. It's also baffling to anyone who doesn't know me, because all they see is face value.

..and that ain't worth much.

/r/depression Thread