Do you blame anyone for your lot in life?

I'm in my 30s and I still catch myself blaming my parents. I won't say it's wrong, but it is counterproductive I guess. We're supposed to make our peace with it and get on with life. It's hard. Mine divorced at 13/14, but they really should've a decade earlier. One an alcoholic, one with anger problems. Both hated each other, and both took it out on me. The divorce was a blessing! There were other things with them that factored in, but I've had severe depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder since I was about 4/5. They started sending me to a shrink at 8 but didn't even take a look at themselves. By high school I was on hard drugs and dropping out. I went on to attempt suicide several times in my 20s and currently I'm on medication and doing okay.

My mom and I sat down in my 20s and had a talk and she deeply apologized for everything. We have a good relationship now. My dad I had a strained relationship with, his way of discussing the past was to laugh and deny things (also probably forgot a lot due to liquor) I stopped speaking to him from 19-25 and at some point wrote him a letter saying everything I wanted to say. It was brutal and I think it hit him pretty hard. We've been in touch maybe once or twice a year since then, but we have almost no relationship. He tried, though.

Even despite getting some closure, I still feel anger and resentment all the time. I want it to stop. I'm afraid that one day my dad will pass away and I'll be filled with regret. But I don't know how to fix it.

/r/depression Thread