Call of the Week - December 20

I told people I would tell this story in another thread so here ya go:

We respond to a 911 call from a house at approximately 9pm. Mother called saying her sons and husband were yelling and the sons hit each other. That's all the info we have aside from the address.

Wee-Woo-Wee-Woo my way over. Pull up and scope the place out and tell the 2nd guy coming to run the plates of all the cars I call out on the radio while I go around back. He's doing that and finds out we have one frequent flier from another county visiting. Great. The guy is never cooperative and has threatened deputies in the other county.

We approach the door and get let in by the mother just before the sons whip around the corner on the other side of the living room. Apparently, mom didn't mention we were coming and they are pissed. I've never told my mother so much as to screw off but these kids told their mother to put things in places and die in some ways I only hear about on xbox live from tweens. She runs upstairs balling her eyes out that her kids would say such cruel things and we're left with two sons and a husband who have been partaking if you know what I mean.

It quickly becomes apparent to us that a fight took place in the family room at the back of the house. Broken shit in the middle of the floor. We're able to kinda force the sons to sit down and tell us what happened while Dad drinks some more. He doesn't seem to care - can't blame him. We find the son that started it is our frequent flier and are talking through both stories right before we make the arrest. So we put the guy in handcuffs and the mother comes down looking like she was crying but she's happy now because the rest of the family is home.

Fuck. More people.

In walks another sister and her husband. Partner cuffs our guy and I try and explain why we're there to the newcomers. They aren't pleased we're ruining the reunion. Go figure.

Partner is walking FF over to me and the door. Dad comes around from the family room now saying that we didn't read FF his rights before we arrested him. That's a new version of Miranda for me. Before the arrest? Really. What CSI program did that?

Anyway, all four kids start screaming that Dad is right. One has the brilliant idea that since we didn't read him his rights, the arrest is illegal and they can do anything to stop us from arresting him.

Double fuck.

Lots of screaming from all six of them now with FF flailing in the handcuffs. People are getting more and more agitated and I'm torn. We really didn't want to mirandize him because he's not stupid and is known for drug activity up in the other county. The options appeared to be:

  1. break out the OC
  2. run
  3. miranda
  4. ???

Key to note: We didn't want to mirandize the guy becuase he's known for drug activity and isn't a complete dumbfuck. He'd lawyer up. Our plan is just not to question him.

My brain is going two times the speed of light and an idea pops into my head:

Let's lie like a bunch of crooks!!!

"You guys are right. We should have read him his rights. Let me do that right now and get this all sorted out. Please forgive my mistake.

turn to FF

Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court of law. You also have the right against unreasonable searches and seizures. If you wish to assemble peacefully, you have that right. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

The family shuts the fuck up. FF comes with us reluctantly but cooperates for the most part. We leave. I'm surprised FF didn't call us out on it. He's been arrested before but he's drunk now. The rest of the family has probably never heard Miranda past the first two sentences.

Fastforward: FF doesn't say anything about his drug ring but he does blab his mouth all drive about the fight he was in with his brother - stuff he didn't say when we initially arrived/investigated. Made the domestic a slam dunk, even without the drugs.

Best part: None of them knew it wasn't Miranda. I never said A WORD to him after I bullshitted it and he just blabbed away. I call that a win.

/r/ProtectAndServe Thread