If possible, take MDMA together. It can bring relationships back from the brink and remind you why you love each other. Psychedelic compounds like psilocybin could also help him reduce drinking and reevaluate his behavior and perspective towards the relationship. I’ve encountered some similar patterns in myself and my partner before, but psychedelics and MDMA help us re-center ourselves, our relationship, and our priorities. Breaking habits as a sober adult is very challenging - don’t give up on love just because your partner is consuming the societally accepted substance that’s arguably the worst for relationships and personal development. There are other altered states you may thrive together in. Alcohol and sobriety are just two of many, many internal states.