Im bad at wording things, but I relate to this completely. I too had a plan, I was going to go to university, get a job in a sector I loved etc. But at 17 I developed severe depression and dropped out of 6th form (UK college). I've never held down a job longer than 3 months. I got pregnant at 19 (also a sahm). The difference is I'm still with my husband 10 years later. I'm so sorry for your loss of your fiancé.

I'm 29 now. I've had/still have therapy for the feelings of "failure". That definitely helped a lot. Its made me realise that even though my life went in a completely different direction, that I haven't failed at all. I've taken the time to explore who I am, what I actually enjoy and what I'd possibly like to do. I've written off working for now as it's just not viable, but one day I hope I'll get there.

I no longer "regret" my choices because without them, I wouldn't have what I have now. I don't know what my life would have been like if I'd of made different choices, so I have learnt not to even dwell on it. Why? Because I cannot change it. I can only control my future actions, not my past. I am a different person now, and I'm proud of how far I've come. Is it what I envisioned? No, not at all. But that doesn't make it bad.

I'm sorry I rambled on. But be proud of yourself for getting this far, things went differently but you're still here. Don't rush anything either. You're 22, you have time. Society likes to tell us we should have it all figured out before we're 25 but it's a load of rubbish. Explore your interests and try new things.