Wife stayed out until 4am twice this week, I presume she was hooking up with her lesbian lover, while I stayed home alone. I was taking down the things I put up on the walls of our house. Taking the stuff down made me sad. It made me think about how happy I was and in love I thought we were when I put them up. I finally was cleared by my doctor to start bearing weight on my healed broken foot. It hurts considerably to do so, by the end of the day I have a terribly painful limp. I wonder if I will now always walk with a limp. The doctor didn't say. None of my shoes fit anymore. My foot is hideous, it is now essentially a caveman foot complete with cankle. I am extremely overwhelmed with all of the stuff I need to accomplish to get our house ready to put on the market. We need it to sell for what we paid because neither one of use has much extra to cover the loss if it doesn't. But living together is toxic and I feel trapped here. She just wants to go out all the time and get on with her new life/lifestyle and it hurts me when she does it and I end up hurting her just by being my depressed self. I just dont understand how she got over us so fast and how her love for me went away like it did. I don't know where Ill go if/when our house does sell. I've been trying to get rid of/donate/sell/give away most of my stuff so I wont have much to move when the time comes. I hope I can find somewhere to live alone, a safe place where people wont judge me for being depressed. But I'll probably have to find a stranger to live with because I don't make alot of money. I just dislike being around other people when I'm sad and depressed, which is basically all the time anymore, because they put too much emphasis on trying to cheer me up or asking me whats wrong and then giving me advice on how to "fix" everything. I really do appreciate the effort people put in but then I basically fake being happy or agreeing because I feel guilty for not when they are trying and obviously care about me which I do appreciate. Its just not enough to take my pain and sadness away. I also don't like dragging people down to the gutter where I exist. I've been thinking about suicide alot this week. I wont do it, there is no need to talk me down. Just stating the facts. I go back to work this upcoming week. Not excited about it because its another place I have to hide my misery but I also need money to survive so its necessary.