My mission experience broke me in so many ways. I got home and I was permanently through with anything resembling missionary work. Mission related stuff was deeply emotionally triggering. I turned down "ward mission leader" 4 times in a 15 year stretch. On the last one when I turned the bishop down and told him why he sort of smugly suggested that, "this is the Lord's way of helping you through whatever problems you may be having to overcome from all that." To which I said, I completely disagree with you bishop because, I don't see the loving lord that I worship as the kind of father that would throw his kid into a swimming pool to force the kid to try to swim, when he knows the kid is super terrified of water. Let me tell you, that bishop was not ready for that allegory. He sort of retreated back to blessings on a table if we choose to accept them. I did not need or want those blessings on that said table.