For one thing, setting boundaries is a key part for any relationship. And one part of that is making it clear that you really have broken up with someone, otherwise it's very hard to begin to move on. With all the stuff that you're dealing with just from C-PTSD boundaries are very important, because they will help you take care of yourself. If I'm reading this right, it sounds like your sort of ex has had a rough enough time that he should be able to empathize with what you're going through. I'm not saying that you should never speak again, that's obviously at your discretion, just be clear. You are trying to be a responsible person by handling the stuff in your head - which is fantastic! You are cast iron. It's excruciating but totally worth it.
I sympathize with healthy intimacy feeling like a luxury. And being numb, fractured, and dissociated are unfortunately part of the journey. But as I'm sure you know you have to get through that to get out. I'm still having issues with numb and dissociated, but Parts therapy has been exceptionally helpful for the fracturing. Actually, I used to do it all the time for relationship problems.
Something I realized for myself a few years ago is that no relationship (romantic or otherwise) is worth it to me unless it's healthy. Otherwise, it's a drain on my mental resources, and those are already pretty rationed out.
Regarding deep love, I did not feel this for anyone until my 30s (abuse started for me at 5). I'd guess that about 5% of my original romantic capacity even functions, I'm very numb. So I never expected to get feelings like that for anyone, but I do have them for my SO. I think that it's because my subconscious recognized that he was psychologically safe enough to fall deeply in love with. He wouldn't hit, humiliate, rape, etc. This is part of the difference between love and Stockholm syndrome thing. I had two relationships I didn't leave because I was terrified to, because they were abusive. I was continually told that I was trash and lucky that they tolerated me. Now, I'm with a nice guy who tells me when I piss him off but otherwise is constantly saying nice things to me. If I tell him that he's triggered my C-PTSD he apologizes and workes very hard to never trigger that one again. The abusive guys would laugh at me, or criticize me. They said that I was making things up to control their actions (while they were passive aggressively trying to alter mine).
You say that you don't want to be enmeshed, so maybe this codependency is turning on a red light for deep love. It could be a protective measure.
Just my opinion, if you want to talk or anything just shoot me a message.