Hey. I know what you mean.

Lost my hair pretty early on. I bit the bullet and just shaved it off. Thought it was a big deal. People actually respected me more. Not only that. Stereotypes worked to my advantage. They thought I was a hard ass or something. This won't solve your problems, but it's worth a shot. A temporary sense of ownership of your situation can sometimes be the boost you need.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Also. Purpose. I get that too. No college education. Very few life skills. Sucks. A man's self worth is very much tied to how productive he feels in society. It doesn't matter what society wants to think. The fact is - Men have to earn love. Men have to earn respect. Men do not get hand outs. Nobody cares about you unless you serve utility to them.

Sounds bad. Yes. But here is the optimism.

Focus on you. Easier said than done. I'm currently in a downer, but it's not as bad because I've got out of it before, and I will do it again. Nothing excites me. Everything I once enjoyed doing, I just don't have the motivation to do. I'm not sleeping or eating right. This feels familiar. I've been here before. It's easy to sit and do nothing, and damn it's hard to even get the ball rolling. But once you do, it sorts out. It's a slow burn.

I'm forcing myself to go to bed on time. I'm forcing myself to wake up. I'm forcing myself to make my bed. I'm forcing myself to drink water/coffee. I'm forcing myself to eat. I'm forcing myself to get my shoes on as quickly as possible. I force myself to accomplish one productive thing.

That's it.

Yes, sure. I'm barely functioning in society. I don't care. This kind of baby step starts to turn into a snow ball. I can fuck off all day if I want, but I did something I couldn't do yesterday.

I'm not here to brag about the things I've accomplished, but I will say, I've fallen down many times and although getting back up sucks, it paid off extremely well.