Sounds like this is going to be you’re relationship moving forward/in the future and he’s letting you know it’s your fault or it’s because of you, now. I’m not saying that to sound harsh, But i feel like men who automatically point fingers at the HL partner for not being attractive enough or dressing up enough are basically shit and looking for any excuse to make you u feel bad so you’ll stay and accept his new terms. If thats what was truly bothering him, or was the reason for the DB then there’s a way to bring it up with tact/sensitivity to your partner’s feelings and if he truly wanted sex with you over doing it himself in the shower he would have brought it up first in a similar way