Gaters accuse Al Jazeera of “selectively interviewing and saying these people are the majority”. Article never mentions majority; closest word by a long shot is “burgeoning” which does not mean “majority”. Bonus: Collusion, Agenda, and gater says Borderlands series “isn’t fun”.

Lifestyled Tangent Story Time!

so my...junior year? I wanna say it was the beginning part of my junior year. I had been dating a girl I met via MySpace who lived four hours away. first time we met, her parents let me stay in their super fab RV outside their big house on their fancy farm. second time, they let me sleep in her bed (she slept in her sister’s bed that night). anyway, so the first time I stayed there was for her homecoming dance. the second time was when she turned 16 and I stayed with them for her birthday (I was 16 going on 17 at the time so it’s not creepy).

so her parents gave us free tickets to this huge ass theatre in the city and a gift card to an Applebees so we could go on a birthday date. they did this because they knew I was from a poor family and already felt bad that I spent so much gas to come see them (they’d even try and make me let them fill my car when I’d leave but I was too stubborn and proud).

the tickets. alright, so we were going to go see Wallace and Grommit with the pumpkin monster, right? well, we get there and see that Doom is playing, but we’re both under 18. we decide to get our tickets for the pumpkin monster and then walk into Doom instead. there wasn’t some like ticket guy or whatever by the door to that screen so I guess they don’t really care.

anyway, we go in, sit down, movie starts, and we’re like immediately making out and fooling around and stuff because she was kinda an exhibitionist and I was a horny teenager with a hot girlfriend.

so we’re doing stuff and all that and she wants to give ol lifestyled an HJ but couldn’t because I was all ‘spooked turtle’ down there.

she asks what’s going on and I point out to her that there’s a guy sitting like six seats down from us who has been staring right at us this whole time and kinda creeping me the fuck out. doesn’t bother her so she just tells me to go back to doing what I was doing.

movie finishes and I saw like NONE of it, right? so we were supposed to go straight back to her place after the movie but we decided to stop off at her high school’s parking lot and dry hump like epileptic monkeys and other teenager stuff for probably an hour or so.

we get back to her place and we have the obvious signs of two kids who just spent a lot of time exploring our sexuality. like obvious signs.

we walk in and her dad is waiting. she runs up the stairs to get changed while her dad questions me about the movie. he asks how it was, and all I can literally say is that “well it had The Rock in it and it was pretty cool and it was like a video game with The Rock in it.”

apparently when she ran up the stairs, her mom stopped her and told her she knew EXACTLY what we had been doing (I lied and told her dad that, me being a poor farm boy with no knowledge of them thar city drivin’, we got lost and ran into traffic).

and that was how I got to see Doom.


she snuck into the bedroom I was sleeping in and my turtle was no longer spooked so she did some stuff but then the clock in the hall rang midnight and she says “welp time for bed!” and leaves me there. I exclaim, “what the fuck come on you leaving me like this come on” and she says “oh you can finish yourself off just fine.” I didn’t because jerkin’ it in a room with her parents just down the hall felt like all sorts of sin that didn’t make the final edition of corinthians.

Epilogue to the Epilogue:

woke up to her giving me an HJ in her bed while her parents were out, came downstairs to pancakes and eggs but she’d already had her sausage.

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