So this is kind of a weird topic for me. I can relate to your post, I'm 21 years old and I've never been on a date, the only romantic encounter I've have was a short drunken make out at a party under a friends influence. Since then I've been completely lost. I don't know how to interact with guys but I desperately want to. I have a compulsion of soft when I get tipsy, I want to talk to any guy just to feel a little wanted. It's a problem because I find myself drinking more than usual so i can get the courage to talk to guys which I can't do well when I'm sober (believe when I say I've spoke to my therapist about this) Whenever I drink I tend to make a new tinder profile. I say new because the next day after I drunkenly make it, I feel like a fraud and an overwhelming amount of anxiety that makes me delete it altogether. But when it is up, and I happen to match with a guy, I find myself engaging in a conversation. There have been instances where I've kept my account for a bit and used it while sober to converse with a match or two. But it always comes to a point to where I feel like things are going well, too well, to the point where I can't understand why this is working out. I make up reasons in my head as to why this can't work out. Afterwards I realize how irrational I'm being, but there's no going back. With tinder, it's hard to find a lost match again, at least in my experience. What I'm saying is don't discount the other person feelings. I feel terrible when I reject a guy on any type of occasion (at a bar, online, etc) but often my mind wanders to a fictionalized horrible ending to our relationship to the point where I don't even bother. I convince myself that I'm too ugly or boring or weird and then somehow it ends up with me hating the other person for even showing interest in me. And I have blocked people bc of my own paranoia. Now I'm not saying that this girl is like me, that her depression or anxiety got the best of her and she freaked. What im saying is to consider the fact that you're not the problem. I am crippled with the thoughts that my "teasing" as some would call it, has hurt others. But I'm mostly hurting myself. I'm purposely denying myself the right to be happy bc ultimately I don't deserve it. And in that moment, of the deleting or the blocking, I'm mostly thinking about how I have another reason to hate myself. So please don't ever blame yourself. It's not worth it. You deserve someone that can understand you and be there for you and can be weird or funny or sexy with you. Because ultimately I deserve the people I stand up. I'm not ready for them and you just haven't found someone that is ready for you. But that does not mean that they don't exist. They could be like me, convincing themselves that they could never connect with anyone and end it before it gets to be too much. You just need to find someone that will believe in your relationship from the start. With a belief that it can work, comes a strength pushing it foward. Don't spend your time focusing on what could've been with this girl or what you did wrong but looking for someone who deserve you and your feelings.