Me too guys. FREEE WRITE TIME

Don't know why, don't know when. It may have started as anxiety... I remember in 5th grade wishing I didn't have to grow up and go to middle school. Middle school was different, moved and met new people. By 8th grade I was in with the "crowd". Smoked pot at...13? 14 maybe? Freshman year came around hung out with the wrong guy convicted of theft because I was associated. Later that year fractured my ankle and spent multiple weeks not being able to move taking Hydrocodone to deal with fracture (was that it? I'd encounter them more in the future) Sophomore year rolls around join wrestling team, did really well dropped that by the end of the year. I thank it for turning me into an athlete, giving me a coveted 6 pack. That bring me to junior year, my metamorphosis for lack of a better term...got a haircut, lost my hippieshit long hair (wish I could keep it long it just doesn't work) showed up chiseled from wrestling, damn good looking in general (sound like a prick) never been in a real relationship I feel I'm no good for girls even though they are somewhat all over me Don't want to hurt them. Im always super smooth superficially but when I start to have actual feelings I shrink away. I dunno, I've explained it to the girls friend before, "I'm no good for her", "I'm a bad influence" Always thought my darkness was for me alone. Started "scarring" myself, each one tells a story burn cut what not. Senior year comes around parents get me psychoanalyzed. Bipolar maybe, "slight" depression although I tend to start my days off with a deep sigh and thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. that package completed with reportedly a 125 IQ. I have a low stress threshold, maybe (my DL was hell). Last two years of high school were the best and worst of my life. Some friends went off the deep end, others were smarter. Thinking about it now its barbaric. We used to get drunk and fight each other when there were like 20 of us at a bonfire night. Got my wisdom teeth removed received painkillers once again, 15 mg's and 4 shots I was walking on sunshine. Remember eating dinner fucked up. Mom made chicken fried steak and I was thinking to myself "this should be life", 15 minutes later I'm on the toilet the entire evening on a Tuesday. Graduation rolled around, I'm a ghost. Didn't take the class photo, I'm not in the yearbook either. Got drunk with a couple friends an ended up puking the night before graduation practice. Summer I spent working, stoned or on the lake with chicks. Once August rolls around I take off for Europe, without a word to any friends in an attempt to cut the bad food off the tree.. Learned French and Spanish fluently went to Moldavia (ancestors land) and picked up on a littleRomanian, back in Espana now. Writing this. Made a promise to myself so I wouldn't worry for me. Too curious about the future, curiosity did kill the cat though.

I don't know why I wrote this but here it is. Next time I check my comment history ill read it over and probably delete

PEACE