Dear LifeAfterMyself,

I'm so sorry to see you are suffering so desperately. I've struggled with self-hatred for over 50 years so I unfortunately have an intimate understanding of this. Here's my humble opinion on this:

 Forgiveness is recognizing that you have been punished enough, it's extending mercy and compassion to yourself, it means letting go of the past, it means self-acceptance, getting out of the habit of judging yourself so harshly, it's reminding yourself to concentrate on the present where you actually have the opportunity to change things, instead of letting yourself return to the pain of the past or the fears of the future. (I know all too well how ruminating over past faults is toxic; where you end up kicking yourself or weeping over past mistakes - feeling humiliated, angry, agonized or frustrated over something that happened years or days ago that you have no power to change.)   Self-acceptance is recognizing that you are - like all of us - an imperfect, permanently flawed and fallible human being - driven and limited by the biology of hunter-gatherer ancestors, trying to navigate an artificial environment and society whose social, family and religious morays and structures cause all sorts of psychological damage and chaos.

And since life is not static, we're never really finished, unfortunately it is in our nature to make mistakes, so it's like a garden that must be tended, it's something we have to work and work at for years, if not our whole lives.

"How to practice Radical Acceptance” http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/how-to-practice-radical-acceptance

The Radical SELF Forgiveness/Acceptance Worksheet

A Worksheet for Healing Guilt and Shame

http://www.radicalforgiveness.com/pdf/SFSAWorksheetSept2008.pdf

The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance How do you fully accept yourself when you don't know how? https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance

Unconditional Self-Acceptance https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-purpose/201302/unconditional-self-acceptance

I sincerely hope things will get better for you.

Peace & Love