What do you want to do in those moments? Not what do you think you should do because that's what you've seen others do, but what is your own personal impulse?

Suppose you're on a date having a good conversation. Your eyes meet and you feel a surge of attraction towards this person before one or both of you looks away with a small smile. At that moment, what feels like a natural thing to do?

Perhaps next time try initiating that impulse, or voicing it.

There is no user manual for dating, everyone has their own style and their own preference. What works for one person would feel unnatural or even inappropriate for another.

For example, I don't really like being physical, and I'm not a huge fan of being touched. Because I know how uncomfortable touch can be I always ask. Boundaries and consent are massive issues to me, and I strive to be respectful and built the safety necessary for us both to feel like we can voice our wishes. Don't want to be touched? I'm not going to take it personally. Want closeness? I want you to be able to voice that without feeling embarrassed or unsure. Over time this builds up the trust so that we don't have to ask every time, yet we still retain the ability to decline and have that respected.

Dating at it's core is about testing out the building of a close trusting relationship in which you can both feel safe emotionally and physically. It's a relationship you can let your guard down in, share things you normally wouldn't share, and to be physical in ways you normally would not be with others. Honesty, trust, safety and comfort are all paramount to building this kind of connection, and so (in my opinion) those are the characteristics you should turn to for guidance.

Check in with the other person, check in with yourself. Be someone they can open up to and rely on - not necessarily rely on financially, but just as an emotionally available partner. And as I mentioned earlier, listen to the impulses you feel and allow them to help guide you.

To give a personal example, the first time I was undressed with one particular woman a little while back, the impulse was to touch, but I could see by her body language she was feeling a little insecure at being seen for that first time. She had put her arms out as if presenting 'this is me', but was quite tense. I looked without touching for a moment, then caught her eyes so she could see my sincerity as I told her she was very beautiful. That may sound corny, but in the moment she really needed to hear that, and she visibly loosened up. When touch did begin, I told her I didn't want to touch anywhere she didn't want me to, and specifically gave her my hand and told her to place it where she wanted it. She did so, placing it on a spot I wouldn't have placed it myself, so I was glad to have asked. We built from there, establishing a sense of safety, acceptance, and mutual respect that allowed us both to engage without feeling unseen or pressured. We were both able to be relaxed and comfortable.

If you understand and respect boundaries and consent you're going to be ahead of many other people out there, despite your lack of experience.