He's treating you awfully why do you need to be a perfect Christian wife in this day and age? He needs to love you for who you are not who you want to be and at the moment he's stopping you from doing the things you ove and to be honest he's stopping you from being yourself.I think tyat you're not just somebody's wife your your own person with feelings and passions too you shouldn't have to do what your husband says you're your own person. You need do something that will change your life for the better you might need to leave someone who yreats you like that.Do not give up on the search for happiness,you are passionate determined and amazing and you deserve true happiness I believe in you!! think about what you really need in your life that you can do that will make you happy and live happy