I think this got removed.. Pasting it here, not sure if I'm doing this right?

Hi there, throwaway for obvious reasons, I guess I just need to vent as I have no one to talk to in this entire world about it.. I'm a female in my late 20s, when I was 12 got repeatedly abused by a man who was almost 30 back then (or so he told me). I should probably specify that back then 12 year-old me thought we were in a "relationship." Anyhoo, he took my virginity, took my first of everything, had me do every kind of sexual thing, manipulated me, to the point where I got seriously suicidal. Eventually my parents caught wind that something was up, I didn't have the courage to tell the truth, I told them I met this guy who was older than me and we were just talking - I'm pretty sure they never suspected there was sex involved, and they don't know till this day. What happened though, was that they became extremely controlling of me (of course, they were scared and trying to protect me) and I became even more suicidal but nevertheless found a way to keep seeing him. He instructed me on everything: provided me with a new secret phone which he left in a safe place for me to find and pick up after school, forbid me to call him but let him call me, never texts and never leave traces, secret meetings and so forth. He must have got really worried about being caught though, and also scared about me getting more and more out of control (I was willing to get pregnant "so we could be forever together and my parents can't do anything") so he basically told me one day that he had brain cancer and was dying so we should stop talking to each other. That was another nice trauma to deal with, at 13, thinking about losing forever someone, let alone someone whom I thought was the love of my life. And the fact that I had to cope with it alone, as he wouldn't talk to me, and I had no one to talk to about it. I mourned him, I tried and failed suicide three times, got into ED, became heavily depressed. Then angry. Then suspicious. Then I started doubting him and questioning his story. Then one day he called me out of the blue, said "there was maybe hope for him still" and wanted to check if there was still a place in my heart for him, I told him to fuck off and that was the end of it. I finally found the strength to say no and refuse what was going on. So, back to me and what happened after: I had a hard time coping with all this. Multiple emotional reactions. Never spoke to a professional, always dealt with it myself. Of course this whole thing screwed me up well. I've had major issues with sex, and major issues with men. Major issues with trust, self esteem, my body. I went through anorexia, I spent some time giving my number online to just about any perv who was asking for it and let them call and say to me whatever they wanted. Let them hear from me whatever they asked for. Sometimes, when the occasional good person was coming up, I would talk to them more regularly, never getting too personal though, and I know a lot of people fell in love with me. But this is going too long, I apologize: so here's what happened now. I met a guy recently whom I really like. He's like no other guy I've ever been dating. Only typing now and thinking about him got me crying. I think I don't deserve him. I think something will happen and I'll lose him. I've been a terrible girlfriend in the past and the karma will come back and bite me. I'm terrified, but I want, for once, to make it right. I made a promise to myself that I'll never lie to him, cheat on him, manipulate him, and all the bad things I did in the past. I want to be better. I thought counselling would help, as I thought maybe part of the reason why I was so terrible & disgusting has to do with what happened when I was younger. Maybe. I don't want to find excuses. I was searching for counselling options where I live, and then I don't know why but I did it: I googled the guy from when I was 12. I of course still remember everything about him. And finally, after some cross search, I think I found him, on LinkedIn. He's a Director at one of the most important companies in the world. And now I don't know what to do. Tl; dr: Found on LinkedIn the guy with whom I had an abusive relationship when I was 12, he's now a director in a big company and I'm not sure what to do.