He was OVERLY sensitive. I understand being a little sensitive, or even just normal sensitive. But him? Oh, no! He was O V E R L Y sensitive. If I did something that bothered him, he’d ask me to please not do it again because it “reminded him of his past.” I asked what he meant, and he said his ex would do similar things, so it would bring back bad memories. Like, I’m sorry, but what? Why are you going to compare me to your ex? I’m not your ex, honey. That’s not fair on me. Nonetheless, I’d do as he said. I’d stop doing the things that bothered him. It made me feel like I was walking on eggshells at times. If he did something that bothered me, I bottled it up. I didn’t tell him. Because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He’d encourage me to tell him when something was bothering him, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or “trigger a trauma” as he would say. I eventually started opening up more and he took it how a man should, fixed the issues, and got better.
Second, he struggled financially throughout the whole relationship. Which, given his college major, it seemed a little odd, but whatever). He was open from the start and said his credit score wasn’t the best, that he had a lot of bills (car, apartment, health, phone, credit cards, student loan payment, etc.). But I did NOT expect to be the one contributing the most to the relationship financially. He has his moments where he would pay for dates and drinks, but when we got an apartment together, those dates and drinks quickly became rare occurrences. He’d always tell me about how bad he felt that he “couldn’t contribute as much as he should” because of his finances. I encouraged him to get a second job, and he did try to find one, but couldn’t find something he liked. That bothered me a bit honestly. If he was going to be the man of the relationship, he should be the one to have two, maybe even three jobs. But it’s whatever. He tried to point out that I didn’t understand where he was coming from. To his credit, yes. I didn’t know. I was still living with my parents, got my first apartment with him. My mom pays for my car payment. I’m on her health insurance. I pay part of my phone bill. I haven’t went to college yet, so I don’t have payments, but I do manage my credit card wisely. Which, is another thing! His credit score was in the LOW 500s. Mine was almost 800. LMAO. How does a 19 year old have better credit than a man in his mid-20s? MAJOR red flag.
Third, He told me his dream job was to be a teacher. A. TEACHER. LOL. I told him that he was way too smart and talented to be a teacher. I told him he could work for a big company, maybe even go back to college to get an engineering degree. He was that smart! Plus, they make a lot of money compared to a teacher! How was he going to be able to support me and future children with the salary of a teacher? And before I get flack about “why don’t you get a job to help out?” - I have really back social anxiety and don’t really like working in public. I wanted to be a housewife. He said it’d be easier for both of us if we both had jobs. I just didn’t believe in that. He was the provider of the relationship. He needed to act like it.
It got to a point where he started going to therapy. I had to force him to go. He didn’t want to, but I encouraged him to do it. I wanted him to see his faults and learn to work on them for me, for him, for us. After a couple of sessions, though, he started acting more confident. You could just tell something was changing inside of him. Part of me was happy to see it! But another part of me was a little upset, because it seemed he wasn’t really relying on me as much as he used to. It made me feel alone. I felt like I was being abandoned. He even told me that his therapist told him our relationship was unhealthy and needed to be worked on. Like, what?! I’m sorry, but since when does your therapist get a say in how our relationship is? He doesn’t even know me!! I told my fiancé to stop seeing his therapist, but he refused. Even my mom agreed that he should stop seeing him.
A couple weeks passed, and he tried breaking up with me. But he didn’t have the balls to do it. He backtracked, apologized, and we stayed together. I was HIGHLY pissed. He knows I have borderline personality disorder. So, to sit there and do that to me on my break? LOL. That was completely selfish, and I let him know. He told me he wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship with how everything had been going, so I was like, “Uh… you don’t get to make my mind up for me. I never said you were a problem, too much, etc.” It didn’t matter. I broke up with him two weeks later. He ran back home to his parents (they live four hours away, so thankfully I don’t ever have to see him again). He didn’t feel like coming back because he felt he didn’t have a safe space to talk to me, said he didn’t feel comfortable around me, whatever. Excuses. Thankfully, I was able to take his car (really, it was MY car. When his broke down, we went to the dealership to get a car for him. He had bad credit and had trouble getting one, so I co-signed with him, car was in both of our names, but I was listed first). I didn’t want him messing up my credit by missing payments, so I threatened court. Knowing how cowardly he was, I knew it would work. Too add on to the damage, he had to leave the job he “loved so much!” Oops. Shouldn’t have been a red flag. Now he’s back home with his parents, no car, no fiancé, no job! I avoided a MASSIVE red flag, y’all.
To sprinkle on top of this, I did research and actually found out how he acted was fake all along. He wasn’t really “overly sensitive.” He was a covert narcissist! All of the “I love you, babe” messages, all of the tears, they were all tactics covert narcs use to manipulate. Lol! Sorry, buddy. Not going to manipulate me.
Anyone else have a similar experience with a covert narc?