It gives me something to focus on. It gives me a target to fix, it gives me a purpose to these counselling sessions I go to every week and don't have something to work on. The counsellors have seen the videos, I've asked for what I need to do better and I get nothing. There's nothing they can do to help me with my situational stress, there's nothing they can help with my depression right now. I take my meds I follow their advice on getting out etc. And all these months later - no progress really. And things still sit as is - and I sit here running 900000000 scenarios in my head of what I did wrong or where I might have been abusive - with no real frame of reference and no context, and it just makes me crazy.

Contrary to the other person, I don't give 2 ducks about blame. I know I'm in the wrong a lot. More than average really. But it's something I can learn from, something I can fix and something I can address going forward. My issue is not knowing what it is I've done besides some very ambiguous term, that no counsellor can work with me on fixing. I've been to the regular counsellors, I've been to the domestic violence counsellors for abusive men - I've asked for help. But without having a good idea what I've done - there's no purpose. The DV counsellor called the shelter the familu went to - we still didn't get any direction or clarity or substance beyond controlling and "not meeting emotional needs"

I don't want to repeat history. But I don't know what I did so how do I prevent that?