I will say that W doesn't care if we adopt, surrogacy, etc, so this isn't necessarily about me getting pregnant.

Y'all have talked about this enough that he knows you may be unwilling to get pregnant but not enough to be on the same page with the timeline?

I suspect your husband feels he's made a big enough compromise by potentially agreeing to have kids who aren't even biologically his out of consideration for your comfort, and he's not asking you to risk your bodily health or likely even take time off work.

I do think you need to really sit down and ask yourself if you genuinely want kids. Often when we postpone things, we think magically in 3 years we'll feel "ready".

But its really likely that in 3 years you'll realize you still don't want kids right now, and maybe you never will.

And you need to get honest with yourself so you can be honest with him.

I've repeatedly suggested a financial planer. There's a real possibility, depending on your husband's career, that the planer will say "that level of debt is never ideal but with just a few small changes you two can very comfortably afford to have a baby".

If that's the case, if there isn't a financial reason not to, are you actually going to go "wow that's awesome I'm so glad we found that out let's baby up!"?

Because if not... You need to get real honest with yourself and your husband.