Is it acceptable for a single partner to always say when sex is “given”

I think the way society views sexual roles is a big part of what you are talking about. Women are discouraged, even shamed for being sexually forward so we learn quite young to take a passive role while the guy takes the initiator role (I'm generalizing but you get my point).

The problem is that female arousal can be very different to male arousal, so the guy thinks "she" has all the power, and "she" makes me jump through hoops for sex. I think it would make more sense for women in general to be the initators and more in control of the sexual experience.

I think women are often the ones who feel powerless in the typical dynamic because we are taught sex is for men, our role is to give men sexual pleasure, do our wifely duty etc so we end up getting the sex we are given, rather than the sex we want. If we ask for changes, many guys take it as an affront to their sexual prowess so I think it's a false assumption that women have the power to "give" or "withhold" sex, often our needs aren't even factored in and we are viewed as controlling or difficult or punishing when our needs aren't being met either, and in many cases, only begrudgingly