Do you know why your husband wont have sex with you? And by why I mean the actual reason not the reason he's telling you, if you even had that talk yet. . .It may not even be something about you, though it could be.

I have a hard time really getting intimate with my girlfriend and we're probably in a very similar situation as you after 4 1/2 years, though without the binding property of a ring. A few things that make it very difficult for me:

1) I wake up at 6am to go to work and get home at 8pm every night, I'm incredibly tired and relaxing with a game or TV is way more preferable to exerting myself more.

2) She has gained roughly 70lbs in the last year and a half. . .It's not so much the weight itself I mind but it's the helplessness and excuses that make it hard for me to find her attractive. She will complain that she's fat and need to start exercising and than she'll walk 10,000 steps in a day (which is the recommended but really isn't that much) and complain for days about how sore she is. . .She'll ask me for advice (as somebody who works in fitness) and completely ignore it all to skip dinner and eat ice cream. . . before once again complaining she's fat.

3) She can be sitting on the couch for hours doing almost nothing and only want to do anything when I finally settle down and am in the middle of something. Expecting me to constantly be the person to initiate something that she wants far more than I do.

4) She makes it seem like having sex with me is a favor to me. . In that kind of "all guys should want sex and even though all girls like sex it's something we do for guys" kind of way. .

People can downvote me or whatever or criticize my relationship, I really don't care, but usually there is more going on than "he wont have sex with me".