I know what you mean. There's been so many loved ones that have left or family that's pushed me to arms length after seeing under the surface with me, and whilst I've been screaming I need their help it always just pushes them further til they leave. I usually start with so much anger at them whenever I think about how alone they've left me and feel the 'abandonment' issues. I sometimes guess that they must think I'm making these feelings of depression and suicide more then they are, or no one just ever takes them seriously/with much thought. Even after attempts and sectioning, they just don't seem to acknowledge it. I can;t say much more as I'm struggling with this issue too, I've been so suicidal now and people just keep going but no ones coming back or filling the void. I'm kind of in the lines of I don't even want to be with me right now, The way I've been seeing it recently it's like other people are +(positive) the ones who are happy, give out to those around them and then there's me as a - (negative) I just take because I have nothing really to give, I need company, I need help, I need love, but so much more then I should. and really I think it makes you take, like I have, from others quality of life. This kind of made me realise I shouldn't be around anymore, people will just keep leaving and I'll never just be whole again, just broken. What I'm awfully trying to get out is - other people just perhaps don't really take it for face value, our feelings of complete hopelessness and prefering dying to coping with the day to day struggles is actually completely unknown to some people, genuinly they feel sadness and grief, but not everyone has felt they'd rather die at some point in their life, or felt the crushing pain we often feel day to day. It's frustrating but I guess we just got the short straw.