I don't want to move to New York City. I'm well settled where I am, I absolutely love the area and all my friends are staying here. I'm in love with a friend who's in her senior year. Every-time I think about leaving, I feel like I'm leaving life behind.

I appreciate having a job but I simply don't derive any happiness from work. Work makes me happy insofar as it enables me to maintain my relationships. I derive all my happiness from my relationships, family, religion and I suppose health. I don't care about success or accumulating commodities. As far as occupations go I'm into abstract thinking and social/ environmental activism. The reason I took the position is because I have no choice, I have to work in order to make a living and reside in this damned country (visa). I consider it wage slavery. Employment is the next step, a social necessity in order to have a family, it makes my parents happy and prevents society from viewing my as a failure (as it may define the term).

I think I could be a high performer in consulting and I'm interested in stimulating work. If I had my friends and I could see where this thing goes with her then I'd be happy and productive. However, I think moving to New York is really going to hurt me emotionally and negatively impact my productivity. I don't know anyone in New York, literally nobody. My start date is in a month and I still don't have housing. I can't quite describe it. Yesterday I cried for an hour and then fell asleep in the middle of the day, I blacked out. I get these moments of intense depression and sometimes I just pretend like its not all coming to an end in two weeks. I feel hopeless and empty and I know it would be fixed at least in part by being able to stay where I am.

If anyone has any advice I'd be grateful... I don't see how working 60-70 hours per week and coming home to an empty apartment is a new beginning. Everything is here.