OKAY…….hmmm……..where to start? I first discovered kratom when searching for all natural pain meds for my mom who had terrible rheumatoid arthritis but wouldn't use conventional meds. She refused the kratom, too, and I had a pile sitting in a drawer….
Fast forward a year and by this time and hell had broken loose in my family. Terminal illness took both my mom and dad unexpectedly in a very short period of time and I fell apart.
I had way over a decade of sobriety from alcohol, but I had that familiar PULL on my soul…..I was a tad worried now…..I wasn't handling things very well……and I couldn't face dealing with the emotional pain (although in hindsight that would have been the right choice, but we all know hindsight is powerless in the present moment).
Then it occurred to me----HEY ! wasn't kratom an anti-depressant, too?! it didn't take very long for me to become daily. At first it was once a week and 4 months later it was every day……then a few months after that it was twice a day.
I did lots of research on kratom (I mean for fuck sake I ordered it for my MOM !!!) and nowhere explained the possible outcome I eventually dealt with……I honestly thought kratom was "safe" back then.
I joined a forum where the people were SLIGHTLY more honest about the habit. There were threads that explained a lot of weird symptoms that developed in habitual users…..honestly, I got scared about my use.
But I was hooked. Totally addicted. What helped me at first had begun turning my life into a living HELL. I am an artist and my attention span and creativity was suffering so much. I almost couldn't work at all. I couldn't sit still long enough !
I am a runner-----and my energy level hit the shitter, too. I woke up sore every morning. I felt like maybe I had developed arthritis like my mom had…..I gave up my sport and really became deeply depressed.
Now…….the herb that was helping me with depression was causing me MORE depression ! So I embarked on my mission to quit……
It took MANY attempts. Mostly because I expected to only feel sick a week. Had I understood the lingering symptoms I think I'd have been successful earlier…..but that's OK. I finally found this sub and there were a few other people here who could relate and that's all it took.
I had a week of acute symptoms and then some much lighter waves of symptoms until around 35 days. I worked the whole time though !!!
My creativity came back IMMEDIATELY after quitting (I knew it would from past attempts to quit). But my true energy level took a few weeks. I walked a lot though and I believe that helped me heal faster, too.
I am back to running full force----and I added the triathlon to my repertoire now----work is busier than ever. I have had so much success it almost feels like a dream. And I will say at one point I thought I'd done permanent damage so I was really relieved to realize I hadn't. WHEW !
There were so many negative symptoms for me I am almost embarrassed to list them all…..WHY did I keep using that shit for so long? I mean……my temper was off the charts between doses (very unusual for me). My cognition was a mess…..I ached…….I was a shitty spouse. A rotten family member……and I was beginning to hate myself because of all of these things.
Once I FINALLY stuck to the plan I think I was 100% back at 35 days……I had some lingering elbow pain after 35 days, but it dissipated after awhile and never came back.
Even with all of the turmoil this caused, I don't regret this experience over all……even all of the failures in the beginning…….I learned so much I am still processing it.
I guess I needed to hit rock bottom (again). It helped me feel really connected to people in my life who have a great deal of struggles…..I think that may have been the underlying purpose here?
I am one of those who believes our lives are wrought with meaning……there is nothing useless about ANY of our experiences…..but there does come a time when suffering SUCKS ASS and we need to move in a different direction.
And I really WAS suffering as a kraddict……I was truly miserable. Which is why I can still relate so much to the new members here……I understand that hopeless and helpless feeling. But I always say also : IT'S TEMPORARY…..if I can quit, YOU CAN TOO !
I am coming up on 6 months kratom free……and my life is so busy that I shouldn't even be spending one second online (but it's yet another habit to break, lol). If I disappear……I know that there are others here to jump in and that warms my heart. This sub is a lifesaver……a realm true gem in this wild world.
Do I ever plan on using kratom again? NO. I tried and failed at "occasional use" way too many times. I abuse everything I put in my body. I just over do things. I am not ready right now to work on moderation. My life is FAR better with nothing and I intend to just remain this way into eternity.
have nothing against folks who think differently…..or drink, smoke, do whatever……we each get to decide what's best for US. And that's what's beautiful about life……we create our own reality. We get to choose. And I choose SOBRIETY these days……life on lives terms isn't anywhere as awful as I make it out to be sometimes.
CONGRATS TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE ON THIS MISSION…..it's very simple when we stop over thinking it. The withdrawals are very easily managed. Why keep living in frustration and illness? TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK ! you deserve to be HAPPY.