Good old depression and anxiety. They're my only friends, aside from my parents and wife. I've effectively isolated myself from all of my "friends" because the world is generally cold, selfish and a terrible place filled with empty promises, half-hearted loyalty and lies. The truth is that when you are suffering, people don't want to be inconvenienced. That's why you felt that way. Even my mental health doctor and counseling I got from the veteran affairs proved that point over and over again. When you have panic attacks even talking about church, let alone going there and wanting to run out the door; your only friend is your daily 1 hitter and Klonopin dose that you're reluctant to take because you know you won't sleep at night, the world is at its worst.