I can relate.. but in an entirely different way. I'm in my early 20's and I've been struggling with my sexuality for as long as I can remember. I genuinely don't know what I'm attracted to. I've dated plenty of girls but I've always bailed before anything got too serious - I haven't tried dating since my last girlfriend a few years ago because I couldn't perform, so I abruptly broke things off. I have absolutely nothing against gay people, they're fantastic and I think it's sick that others would try and stand in the way of true love because "it's not natural," but I really struggled accepting the fact that I might be interested in guys. My parents, who love me very much, are among the "it's not natural" crowd and for the longest time I refused to believe that was an option. Eventually though, I began looking at that stuff on the internet and I even went on a "date" over thanksgiving break with an old friend from high school who is gay. No sparks there. I just felt awkward and out of place. And as for the former thing I mentioned, it's become more of a chore than something I enjoy - I just feel guilty and depressed afterwards.

I don't know.. As I type this out and try to read it from anther person's view, it sounds like I'm gay but I have so many mental barriers in place that I can't fully accept it. Either way, even if I knew for sure I still feel like I've been lying to my family and my friends all these years. I don't want to disappoint my parents - we already argue about politics and religion and I don't want another outstanding thing between us. As for friends, I just play along with the social situations involving relationships: "Oh, I'm just going to be alone forever lol, I'll die surrounded by cats, haha..." that kind of stuff. But in reality I feel so alone.. I just want to experience something with another person that doesn't stop at friendship and I feel like I've wasted, and I'm currently wasting, the best years of my life for just that. And I hate myself so much because of it. I thought would get better after high school but now I'm almost done with college. One of my closest high school friends is going to have a baby next year and I have no idea how to be in a real relationship.

I really didn't plan on writing this much, it just sort of happened. I didn't even try to bring up your OP.. Sorry dude. I don't know. I hope you find someone who knows it's possible to love more than one person, and it's okay to share.