No contact is a process. It can take years of cutting down contact and healing to reach that day where you just know there is nothing to fear but keeping contact with her still. I cut contact with my mother multiple times-it was a process.

What finally clicked was that this person, she genuinely wants to hurt and harm me and that is why she gossips about me and turns people against me-why she herself hurts me. She genuinely wants me controlled and does not want for my growing or healing. I just couldn't pretened anymore that her approval mattered once I saw it as a manipulation tool and not real.

There is no official talk with them that ends contact. That's still playing their game. They want you to report to them your plans, feelings and whatever else. You want them to know they hurt you. As long as you want something from her, she still has you. Give yourselves the space to heal enough so that you do not want a thing from her at all anymore.