Welcome! I can really relate to your struggled. I packed on the pounds since high school until hitting 200 pounds in grad school. I had also tried dieting and it was all-or-nothing for me too. So I can relate. I've lost almost 60 pounds in the 4 years since and I've learned a few things along the way.

So I knew my diets weren't working. Obviously, they weren't sticking and I'd feel so deprived I'd end up binging on sweets, feel guilty and incapable, and my weight was just incrementally increasing. When I finally had enough, I decided this time, I couldn't diet. I needed to do something different.

I was also struggling with a bit of a drug habit at the time and a lightbulb went off when I realized if I put in as much time into my high as I did my body/health, I'd be a fitness model. If I just redistributed my time and priotized my health more, I'd be making progress somehow.

So I identifed two things: a bad drug habit/poor time management and diets don't work. I knew my diets didn't work because I didn't or plan any food out and easily gave into temptation.

So I decided to stop the drugs and get clarity. Instead of plugging myself into Netflix when I got home, I'd go walk for 30 minutes.

I didn't learn to cook overnight. I started with incremental steps spead out over a couple months. First it was no more fast food, flat out. Second, it was packing a healthier lunch for work, complete with a delicious and choclately granola bar (remember, I wasn't dieting!). Third, no more frozen pizzas. That forced me to try a new recipe or food at least once a week, usually making a large batch for leftovers.

I started this really believing I wouldn't lose weight but secretly hoping to lose 10-15 pounds. Eventually, someone told me about calorie counting apps. At this point, I had a decent system in place and was able to enter the calories of the foods I had started to try and enjoy.

My weight has stalled here and there as I go about Life but its been about 4 years and I'm still losing. I didn't wake up with a wealth of knowlege and I still feel like I'm figuring this stuff out, trying new foods, figuring out how to maximize time managment that helps my weight loss.

I always thought skinny people ate what I ate on a diet constantly. Like, how in the hell can they always eat this diet food forever!? And that's the thing: they aren't. Life is about balance and choices and they are living fairly balanced lives, balanced in time management, maaaaybe some exercise, and no excess sweets or fried foods. So the question isn't how can you stick to a lifelong diet, its how can you find the balance in your life to make consistently okay choices forever?

This is easily the most I have ever written in a reddit comment. I hope its useful.