The first girlfriend I was ever with was standing around in the quadrangle at school laughing with her friends. She laughed really loudly and freely at one point and for the first time in my life my dick responded to something other than seeing body parts/thinking about sex. I wanted to run off with her straight away and have sex because sex would be the closest I could get to her.

I didn't run off with her, or tell her those feelings. Not longer we had a fight, as 17 year olds will do, and broke up. I ended up having sex with someone else just to get it over with and it was terrible.

About couple of months later my ex and I were hanging out at a beach and I told her about the day in the quadrangle. We had a talk about us and unresolved feelings and the fact I'd gone and had sex with someone else. We ended up sorting through it all; one thing that makes me laugh now because it's such a 17 year old thing to say was in response to me telling her I'd had sex she said, 'well I got fingered and it was really good'. We had sex a couple of nights later. It was a strange event... she was a really small framed girl, and I remember feeling something wet fall on my chest in the dark. I had no idea what it was but after a couple of more instances I realised she was crying because it was uncomfortable. I said we should stop but she insisted we keep going.

Afterwards her face was flushed from crying and sex but she had this incredible look of pride on her face. I think both of us might have. Even though we were both still children in most ways, for that night we were adults who had been as close to each other as it was possible to be.

Generally I think however you bring it up will not change the trajectory of the event unless you're a complete wanker about it. If you both want to have sex you will, if one of you doesn't then you won't.