TIL what "grey rocking" is. Turns out I do it to my mother, and she hates it. She says I never talk to her.
I am 29 years old and still live with her.
She calls me the n-word. She says it's not about the color of your skin it's about how you behave. She always says she wished she was born black because she'd have beautiful skin. She's even said that to black customers where she works.
She cries out "you're hurting me" when I try to stop her from swinging the sledgehammer into me.
She has said many times that she should have thrown me off the bridge when I was a baby because her prison sentence would be over by now and she'd be free.
Any increase in my income becomes an increase in my rent. Due to way higher hours at work compared to what I usually get, I've calculated that I should take in, after taxes, over $600 more than I usually do. I am hoping she doesn't find out about the money and I can actually save it.
I wasn't allowed to go to any of the colleges I got accepted to. I had to go to the community college about 6 miles away so I could live at home. I have an associates degree in "liberal arts" and that's it.
I am pretty sure I have some form of ADHD or autism because I relate to a lot of stuff people say they experience. I can't do anything about it because my mother is anti-pills, pro-Jesus. Based on what she's said, the doctors say she has osteoporosis really bad and she has to take a pill once a week (or is it two weeks?) and she's unable to eat or sit for two hours after taking it. I'm surprised she even takes it, because she keeps denying it to the doctors because she feels fine.
My brother is 22 years old and unemployed, and I still have to stay home all the time outside of work hours so he's not lonely. Neither of us have intellectual disabilities.
When I was contracted to do game development four years ago, I tried moving my computer and stuff into another room to do work. That lasted not even two months before I was ordered to move back out to keep my brother company. I was unable to keep up with the workload due to netflix running all day like 6 feet from my head, and lost the job.
Since then, almost every day has been 1) I'm working at a grocery store, 2) my brother makes us watch as many episodes as we can of shows on various streaming sites, 3) on my mother's days off I was able to see my girlfriend, but she left me due to issues stemming from my mother. There have been few days when I've been able to get any personal work done. I haven't made any progress on my "current" pet programming project since november 2nd, due to constantly either a) playing fortnite with my brother, or b) watching netflix/hulu/whatever with him.
The only actual free time I have that I know has zero potential of ending up being fortnite/movie&tv streaming are late hours at night, like right now. By then I am either heading to bed for an early work shift the next day, or too tired to focus on programming.
I would love to move away to western massachusetts where the minimum wage is still high but the cost of living is a lot lower, and never contact my mother again.
My only options are to keep living with her, or to become homeless. I have no "social net" because she is actively mean to anyone that I've considered a friend. She'd call my ex "warthog" and demean her intelligence.