Posted elsewhere but... here goes. Every time my Dad or I tell this joke we elaborate on it even more. Forgive the wall of text.

As I'm sure you're aware, often in America, busses have conductors who check your tickets. Well somewhere in New York there is such a conductor who is terrible at his job. He frequently fails to collect the tickets, nor charge the right amount for those he checks. It is chaos on the bus floor. Anyway, one day the bus is traveling from one stop to the next when a nun toddles into the middle of the road, quite unannounced. The driver only notices her at the very last moment and is forced to swerve out of the way. Devastatingly, he hits her but also lop-ends the bus and all are killed aside the conductor. The case goes to court and his peers conclude that the conductor is guilty of the murder of all the deceased. He is sentenced to die. On death row he is given the option of a last request. "I'd quite like a banana, please". The request is is met and he peels the banana, narrating as he does so; "North, south, east, west". The clap the shackles of the chair over his wrist. As they place the cap firmly above his scalp, water is expelled from the sponge. The executioner looks away from the scene, as if unable to bear the pain the victim will inevitably bear. He pulls the level and.... nothing happens. The victim unclenches his eyes, to check if he's dead yet. "Sir, there seems to be an equipment malfunction and legally, we only pull the lever. You're a lucky, and free man." Miraculously, the man gets his job back and begins to under acheive again. On his first day back, amongst the rabble of angry commuters, the driver is distracted by the mans rampant inadequacy. As he looks round in disgust a bus full of nuns hurtles into them, killing all but the conductor. This time the court process is shorter as the prior case was fairly high profile and a lot of the jury were suspicious anyway. A harsher sentence is cast, he is to be electrocuted by two generators. Shortlisted through death row, the man finds himself in a bigger chair, made of gold to conduct all the better. "Last request?" asked an officer, who's tone seemed unappreciative and indifferent to the victims situation. "Oh" came the reply, put down by the officers harsh manner, "Just my banana please, same as last time." 15 minutes later a banana was brought to him. Again, he told the story of the peeling "South, north, west, east". This time they brace his neck and place eloctrodes onto his bare chest and forehead. The process takes a while to initiate; buttons are presed, keys turned, switches flicked and finally 2 levers are simultaneously pulled and... nothing. Again, he returns to his job. At the first stop a rather disgruntled nun gets on and shys her face away from the conductor, obviously not wanting to be notice by him. Half way through the journey she stands and yells "My sister's are all dead because of you!" and at that whips out a machine gun. Clearly, she is fairly unpracticed because she fails to hit her target. She manages, however to hit the bus driver who, in his pain, swerves into a church who are having a special weekend devoted to Reddit called "Iama nun! AMA!". Needless to say, all involved faced a tragic fate... save our infamous protagonist who upon regaining conciousness is filled regret I ought to find a different job, he thinks. Alas, there is no court trial. Straight to death row with the man. This time he is sat in a chair connected to a nuclear facility. An FBI agent approaches the man and mumbles through his sunglasses and thick accent, "Any last requests sir?" "Oh, err, just a banana please?" The meal is served promptly and he once more audibly notifies everyone watching of how the banana is being peeled "West, south, east, north". It is half an hour before the chair is ready. Afterwards, shackles are clapped around almost every appendage. He can already feel the electricity about to be pumped into him, even before it has been turned on. Levers are pulled, switches flicked. Every input imaginable is entered. Finally a password is typed out on a screen behind him. As the water mixes with his tears he can tell these are his final moments. Nothing happens. The same FBI agent from before marches up to him and yells "Why is it we can't kill you!?" "Well, I guess I'm just not a very good conductor".