I still like to point out that he might not be my tf, I suppose he is, I feel like he is, but I don't want to develop an unhealthy attachment to the idea, so I always keep repeating that I might be wrong... I don't feel that's the case, but it's healthy for me to question it a little, specially since we are in separation.

Having said that. The first time I saw him was at a bus stop. I felt rejection towards him, but at the same time I felt drawn to him. We took the bus, and I spent the hole trip trying to think about something else, but all I could think about was the fact that I wanted to talk to him... I didn't.

By that time I was in a period of change. About 8 months before that I got really sick, I spent 1 week in the hospital because of an uncommon neurological disease with an unknown cause... At the same time my life was turned upside down... I got into a fight with my closet friends, I was forced to quit a project I was working on and I loved, I almost lost my job, between other things. I was really lost, I remember feeling that all of this that happened was to prepare me for what was about to come... I started to feel better, lost a lot of weight, I was happier and healthy, until I had a nervous breakdown because of the amount of stressed at work.