My first job out of college was in a rural area. My parents said I should live there to save driving and money. They never let me date non-Jews and I stuck to it but few were around. They're old world and disapproved of bars and are judgemental of sex. I was also terrified of sex and STDs thanks to high school health class (mine taught "abstinence is best"). My last girlfriend happened to be LL for comparison. Online dating was smaller then and few girls were interested in me. I was boring and didn't know anything about attraction. I always had strong libido but had erectile issues at times.

Basically, I never learned how to be single. My wife was the first one I met who I got along with and I wasn't lonely anymore so she made me happy. She started asking for a ring and my mom was pushing to give one (we were both 25). She's anti-social but my mom said not to worry, after we had kids we'd make friends through them. We had two kids, my wife became depressed, and she took a decade to finish her Phd. I was supportive the entire time. My wife is VERY lazy and struggles being around young kids. She gets morbid thoughts anytime the relationship looks troubled.

My wife loves me very much and now that I'm making a big deal of it she's not playing games anymore. But, I don't think she'll ever become a sexual person. She's tried giving BJs a few times but she gets disgusted anytime she tries. She'll let me do oral sometimes but it's been a struggle for her. PIV is tough, it's painful for her because her muscles don't relax. She's always complaining about feeling pressured to be interesting. Longest dry spell was over 1yr at one point but another lasted 7mo.

I'm too sick and depressed to change things now :( I need a few surgeries and need support to get through them.